David Penis Aprons

Wanna Ruin Dinner and Make Everyone at the BBQ Cry-Laugh? Good. That’s exactly what the David Penis Apron is for. It’s the perfect blend of highbrow art and lowbrow balls-out comedy - literally. We took the world-famous statue of David, added a majestic Michelangelo-style penis, slapped it on a flimsy apron, and called it a masterpiece. So yeah, it’s the apron with a dick. It’s not for baking cookies with grandma - it’s for blowing up bachelor parties, traumatizing Father’s Day, and making your friends wheeze like they just inhaled propane. Why Would You Buy a Dick Apron? Because You’re a Hero, That’s Why. Let’s say you’re standing in front of a grill, apron on, tongs in hand, flipping burgers like a suburban god. Everyone’s watching. Then someone looks down and sees a beautifully detailed Renaissance dick and balls apron staring back at them in full glory. Silence. Then chaos. People drop their drinks. Someone’s kid starts crying. Your mom gasps. The groom-to-be at your buddy’s bache