EXPLAINING

If you have an explanation for this life = you are an idiot!how? reason always get me away. There is no value in living in such conditions? so who is the one I should blame? parents for their hope that life will eventually become better? Or is it god? For the creation of all this mess? Or myself for being like a tree with no  will to exist ? questions leads me always to dead ends! So all I can do is ask more, which means suffer more! By time I realize that it isn’t a question of where or when! it all about what/why? What can I do? why would I do it? my brain takes me to some dark places, where suicide is a very valuable act. To know what after this! but that is already planned! Not now ofc . I have so many fucking questions to torture me and to give me some enlightenment. I’ll keep on my search only to get to know myself more! To torture myself more….