"I'm Too Pale for This" Towel

Measuring a full 6ft x 3ft, it’s big enough to wrap your whole sun-fearing body like the delicate gothic burrito you are. Ultra-soft for maximum comfort while you lay there wondering how long it takes to get melanoma. And with a beautifully sadistic baroque design and upside-down cross, it’s your subtle way of saying: “I'm not supposed to be out here." Features include: Giant 6ft x 3ft surface area for full body coverage Super soft cotton Gothic detail so extra it makes the sand uncomfortable