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Star Spangled American Flag Silkies "I bought a pair for my 4th of July party, thinking it would be fun gag shorts. Little did I know. I pulled it out of the box and immediately sank to my knees and wept tears of pure joy, and by "pure joy" I mean "pure Jack Daniel's". I strapped it on and my max bench press increased by a 100lbs. I wiped the whiskey from my face, looked in the mirror, and in my reflection I saw him behind me. George Washington. Looking stern and powerful. He nodded once, an affirmation. I knew what I had to do. It was Freedom time. I flung myself from the bathroom window and these shorts literally turned me into a bald eagle, I flew over Iraq and pooped tomahawk missiles on ISIS positions, then I flew back home and turned into a 1967 Pontiac GTO and drove all night until I arrived at Pussytown."