filling the void

38 x 38 x 3.5 canvas housed in a special hand-crafted frame. plaster + concrete + iron paint + rust activator + crushed crystal quartz + crushed blue kyanite + powdered black onyx + black oxide watercolor from a french quarrie + sand from folly + oil + ink + acrylic + linseed oil.  - Being told I was unconsciously attempting to fill an internal void, was a turning point moment in starting to understand my behaviors. My void was a place within me that felt like an empty abyss starving for external validation. a deep emptiness felt in every fiber of my being. Presenting emotionally and physically, craving any conformation that could provide comfort, reassurance, and a feeling of safety. My personal experience coping with this emptiness was so diluted, I had no idea my behaviors and thoughts were so intertwined with eagerly searching for self-worth at any cost.  I became immediately defensive anytime I was confronted with a conversation aimed to aware me of my own co-dependency. Digesting